Hair-Cutting Your Way To Catharsis

Photo: Photo by Jim DeYonker

We see celebs do it all the time. One minute they’re in a relationship, the next minute they’re broken up…and look a whole lot different. When Kim Kardashian called it quits with her football star boyfriend, Reggie Bush, the famous brunette was sporting blonde locks on the red carpet just a month later. Jennifer Love Hewitt chopped inches of her hair just weeks after news leaked that she broke up with Jamie Kennedy. And let’s be real, many of us have gone down the same road, finding ourselves heading straight for the salon chair after an emotional break up. And why not? According to a recent survey conducted by Kelton Research, 41 percent of women say when they feel pretty about their appearance, they actually feel happy inside too.

“Sometimes a girl just needs a new ‘do to feel fabulous about herself,” said Lisa Steadman, life coach and best-selling author of books like "If He’s Not the One, Who Is?" “With a brand new look, a woman is more likely to feel hopeful and focus on the future rather than obsessing about her past.”

Why a New Look Can Be Empowering

You’re moving on metaphorically, so why not move on physically too? Like it or not, our appearance is often intricately connected with our sense of self. “When we go through a breakup, our self-esteem takes a nosedive,” said Steadman. “We tend to focus on what’s next for our ex more than what’s next for us.”
‘Getting a new look – whether it’s a cut, color and highlights, new clothes, new makeup – can give us the boost we need to remember we have a future with or without our ex,” she continues. “It reminds us that our ex didn’t make us fabulous – we are fabulous on our own two feet.”
Just make sure you’re not veering too far from "you." “Every time Madonna comes back reinvented, everyone pays attention,” pointed out celebrity stylist Jon Patrick. “But in all of those reinventions she is still staying true to herself.”
Focus on changes that will bring out your best features. For example, sometimes going to a sunny gold when you’re a natural blonde can literally brighten up your face. But remember, like a new pair of shoes, you need to give yourself time to break into a new look. Patrick recommends test driving for at least two to three weeks just to “get out of our head and get feedback from the world.” After all, more than half of women (54%) in the Kelton survey said when someone compliments their looks, it makes them happy. You may find yourself opening up to seeing possibilities you never thought were there for you when you start getting positive feedback from others.

When Is It Not Healthy?

It’s critical to know where this need of change is coming from. Are you truly doing it for yourself? Are you trying to win your ex back? Part of the makeover has to do with wanting to ‘show’ the ex what he no longer has, mentions Steadman, which she believes is healthy as long as it’s kept in check.
“If you’re posting pictures of your new look on his Facebook wall, or flirting with all his friends in hopes of it getting back to him that you look hot, not so healthy,” she said. “This is where the ego can get us in trouble…keep your ego in check and focus on healing your heart.”
And just don’t go all Britney Spears-style extreme by changing your look so much, you’ll have your friends playing “Guess Who?” (Think circa 2007, when Brit Brit infamously shaved her head months after her divorce from Kevin Federline.)
“If someone is ready to feel and look different there are many ways to do that, but don’t leave he salon like you are in the witness relocation program,” said Herbal Essences’ celebrity hair stylist Charles Baker Strahan, whose clients include Gossip Girl Leighton Meester.
Go for a new style you’ve been dying to try. And remember, no one knows you better than yourself (including your stylist), but going to a recommended or trusted professional will ensure that they will work with your personal style and explore the best options with you to enhance your look.
NYC-based beauty expert and consultant Seven Brown adds that while change can show courage and strengthens your sense of individuality, try focusing on less invasive beauty choices. “Buyers remorse worst-case scenario is fixable – dye fades with time, your hair will grow back and the makeup will wash off.”

Your Sexiest Attribute Comes From Within

“Confidence is appealing – people are drawn to you because of your confidence,” Patrick said. “It’s so important to stand apart from the herd rather than get lost in it.”
Rihanna is a prime example, Strahan says. “She chopped off her hair and became a CoverGirl!” he added. “Once we saw how beautiful her face really is, she stepped forward as being sexy.”
Take this time in your life as an opportunity to break free of everyone else’s expectations and put your best face forward. You’ll feel rejuvenated and stronger for it. “It’s about reclaiming yourself, your beauty, and your self-esteem on your own terms,” Steadman said. “Man or no man.”